Single Parent

Jill is a single mom of a nine-year-old daughter, whom she’s been raising by herself since Haley was an infant. “The hardest part about being a single parent is having no one else there when Haley acts up. It’s all me. She doesn’t listen to me, and then I just don’t know what to do. I’m really getting anxious about her teenage years. I’m not sure if I can keep her on track by myself, she’s so willful.”

Jill is far from being alone. Single parenting is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, yet more than 50 percent of households in America are headed by just one mother or father. Much of the time that parent is working full-time and trying to maintain the home, in addition to everything that comes with parenting a child.

To make matters worse, often single moms and dads, like Jill, report feeling as if their children aren’t listening to them or following family rules. Coupled with the guilt that many single parents feel, this can be a one-two punch to the faith you have in the job you’re doing as you raise your kids on your own. So what can you do to maintain confidence in yourself and peace in your home?

Empowering Parents spoke with Dr. Jane Nelsen, Ed. D., the author and co-author of 17 acclaimed books on parenting, including Positive Discipline for Single Parents, and she offered this advice to those who are flying solo:

1. Remember that two is a family.
One single parent with one child, that’s a family. In society, just about everything is blamed on single parents and broken homes, and it’s really sad because it’s just not true. The most important thing is not the number of parents in the home, but the parenting.

We always ask people, ‘Don’t you know single parents who have raised great kids?’ So instead of thinking, “We are a broken home,” say, “We are a single-parent home”— it’s just a different kind of family. I think a lot of being a successful single parent lies in your perception. By that, I mean single parents often think it’s more difficult for them.

It’s so easy to think the grass is greener on the other side, and yet when you have a two-parent family, your spouse might not be that supportive: There’s usually one parent that prefers to be more strict and one that’s more lenient, and then they fight about who is right.

A big part of changing your perceptions about single parenthood is if you see your situation differently. Try to see your family’s situation as an opportunity rather than a negative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there aren’t any difficulties in being a single mom or dad, but there are advantages to keep in mind as well.